Attributed to “finfunny” (creator unknown)
The now annual exercise decrying the “War on Christmas” has begun once again. I have already seen the first salvos fired on Facebook. Many of The Complete Pilgrim’s readers can already guess my position. I believe that there is indeed a war on Christmas, but it’s not coming from those who joyfully declare “Happy Holidays”. The real war is being waged by those forces who have utterly abandoned the ideals of what the season stands for, both in the religious sense and in the traditional sense.
For the record, I believe that those same forces have caused havoc on holidays throughout the year. But for some reason it is more pronounced in the weeks between Thanksgiving and the New Year. Everything seems so canned now, so scripted; and so many of the old traditions are fading away. I grew up in the 1970s and 1980s, a time when the holiday season still had a post-war America feel to it. I’d give anything to be living back in those days again. But I digress.
The use of the phrase “Happy Holidays” has been in use since the mid-19th century, and has been a staple of season’s greetings since the 1930s. I never saw the harm in using it, and still don’t. But for those of you who consider it offensive to Christmas, I would offer the following “politically correct” calendar of greetings as I will be using in 2019:
Wed, Nov 27 – “Happy Thanksgiving”
Thu, Nov 28 – “Happy Thanksgiving”
Fri, Nov 29 – “Happy Black Friday”
Sat, Nov 30 – “Happy Holidays”
Sun, Dec 1 – “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Advent”
Mon, Dec 2 – “Happy Cyber Monday”
Tue, Dec 3 – “Happy Holidays”
Wed, Dec 4 – “Happy Holidays”
Thu, Dec 5 – “Happy Holidays”
Fri, Dec 6 – “Happy Holidays” or “Happy St. Nicholas Day”
Sat, Dec 7 – “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Pearl Harbor Day”
Sun, Dec 8 – “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Advent”
Mon, Dec 9 – “Happy Holidays”
Tue, Dec 10 – “Happy Holidays”
Wed, Dec 11 – “Happy Holidays”
Thu, Dec 12 – “Happy Holidays”
Fri, Dec 13 – “Happy Holidays”
Sat, Dec 14 – “Happy Holidays”
Sun, Dec 15 – “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Advent” or “Happy Bill of Rights Day”
Mon, Dec 16 – “Happy Holidays”
Tue, Dec 17 – “Happy Holidays”
Wed, Dec 18 – “Happy Holidays”
Thu, Dec 19 – “Happy Holidays”
Fri, Dec 20 – “Happy Holidays”
Sat, Dec 21 – “Happy Winter Solstice”
Sun, Dec 22 – “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Advent” or “Happy Hanukkah”
Mon, Dec 23 – “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukkah”
Tue, Dec 24 – “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukkah”
Wed, Dec 25 – “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Hanukkah”
Thu, Dec 26 – “Happy Boxing Day” or “Happy Hanukkah”
Fri, Dec 27 – “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Hanukkah”
Sat, Dec 28 – “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Hanukkah”
Sun, Dec 29 – “Happy Holidays” or “Happy Hanukkah”
Mon, Dec 30 – “Happy New Year” or “Happy Hanukkah”
Tue, Dec 31 – “Happy New Year”
Wed, Jan 1 – “Happy New Year”
Thu, Jan 2 – Tired Grunting Noise
Fri, Jan 3 – Tired Grunting Noise
Sat, Jan 4 – Tired Grunting Noise
Sun, Jan 5 – Tired Grunting Noise
Mon, Jan 6 – “Happy Epiphany”
Please let me know if any of these are offensive or unseasonable.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!
As a Christian who celebrates Christmas, this is never offensive even when someone says happy holiday.
For years, I have been sending a Christmas card as part of the 100 we send out. This year, she invited me to her sons bar mitzvah. OOPs.
She was gracious enough to never correct me and this year, we replaced her on our list from Christmas card to Hannekah card.
Both of us in geniune holiday spirit handled it deftly and like adults.
I might not know which of the 10 holidays you celebrate in the final 50 days of the year. Thanks for tolerating my buckshot “happy holidays” and still loving me enough in the Christian spirit.
Thanks Dan. And Merry Christmas!